That Old Motherfucker Called Hope

I see you creeping in the bathroom
As I shiver watching water drain,
Staring at the soap.

You cannot fool me.
With your pulled-down brim
And big false nose
Watching me as I try to hose
Away the fear that slowly grows.

I feel you
Scoot against my backside
Like a cockroach
In the kitchen
While I’m scoffing cheese on toast.

As the goosebumps prickle
As the bedbugs nibble,
As the TV drivels
But I cannot change the channel
I just stare and dribble,
Parcelled up in flannel,
Losing all my manners.

I see you planning.
That old motherfucker called hope.

I see you.
As I’m scouring Twitter,
Picking at my tasteless dinner
Waiting for the government
To shit on all we hopeless sinners.

You’re watching,
When I’m scouring facebook gravely
As I swallow pastries,
Wondering who will save me.

I remember meeting you
An endless summer, a limitless sky
Dreams that had as yet to die.

I’d fight you.
I’d throw a punch and kick and shriek,
I’d stab your face and break your knees
Because I needed you
Like a junky needs dope.
But you left me.
That old motherfucker called hope.

And yet there you are.
Creeping in my eye line.
Trying to convince me one more time…

When you knew me,
I lived in flats and went out every night
Now I dwell in caves
Each evening sharpening my scythe.

I hate you.
For the caterpillar eggs you laid within
Squirming, squishing, wriggling.
The smile i forgot that I owned
I switch pajamas for real clothes.
As I step outside
And suddenly I realize that I might cope.
Breathe deep the magical promises of snow.
A child smiles
A flower grows.

He had his way again,
That old motherfucker called hope.

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