Things to do in Niagara Falls (when it’s dead)

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We found ourselves with an extra week before we head out on our road trip. So what else should any self respecting couple with time on their hands do than find an 11 hour train journey somewhere that’s buried under 2 feet of snow (5 ft in some places – John). Well hello Niagara Falls! (Ontario – not the American side, which is apparently tacky and over commercialized – HA HA HA HA HA.)

Yes Canada – birthplace of Bryan Adams, Neil Young, The Kids In The Hall, Lindi Ortega and most of The Band. Yes Canada, whose children’s programs taught us that it’s okay to be gay, a pregnant teen or to shoot yourself in the school bathroom. Yes Canada, where they spell things properly, unlike Americans, and have Mars Bars that you pay for with futuristic rubber money featuring a robot version of the Queen with laser death eyes.

Yes Canada – well, Niagara Falls, which is very much like Felixstowe, Great Yarmouth, Blackpool, Atlantic City and any other crappy seaside town you can think of – but with a HUGE waterfall.

Since this a music blog I feel inclined to note that we did try and find some kind of music, but since there were only 4 people in the entire town, 3 of whom were Amish, tunes were somewhat hard to come by. I did listen to my first ever half an Ed Sheeran song in the cab. (It was the sort of song that people with no imagination play at their weddings.) Additionally Johnny fell in love with a 3 grand jukebox from the 1990’s in a Hills-Have-Eyes-Esque thrift store. But alas his mighty back is unable to carry all six feet of it. Also Amtrak might have thrown a huff.

It was also off-season and buried under two feet of snow (5 feet in some places – John). So, naturally, we headed to the nearest terrible wax museum – hilarity ensued. We promise to write about music next time.




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